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Mind Your Language

My husband is a true blue Ocker,

‘Effing’ every second word.

His language is an effing shocker,

worst I’ve ever effing heard.

It’s made me think about his cussing,

why the sex act bears the brunt.

Why not burping or sweet bussing,

or some other human stunt?

It could be sweating, snoring, hissing

would give greater language choice.

Maybe snotting, laughing, pissing

could give emphasis to voice.

I tried every body function,

typed it on an effing list.

I told him straight, without compunction

that I’d effing well insist.

My husband said, “Don’t get me started!

It’s like water off a duck.”

Then he said, “Well, I’ll be farted

if I’ll change. You’re out of luck.”